Taht's gr8 111
by HeCallsMeHisChild
Summary: Wait wait wait... back up," Dib argued, "You can't have a story with both canon and AU, right? I mean, it just contradicts! It's not possible!" Oneshot. I'm taking a huge gamble with the title.


**Note:** Appreciate the fact that little bits of my soul died, screaming in agony, as I wrote certain parts of this. Based loosely off a situation that Joywillcome and I came up with.

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"I'm telling you, I don't wanna! The best thing we can do is stay put until the next shift, and hope it puts us back in our own universe."

Zim scowled, grabbing a fistful of hair from Dib's head, yanking him up. "I am not sitting around, I have important Earth-conquering plans to get back to!"

Dib yelped, "Not the hair, leggo my hair!"

"Your voices are making me sick, be quiet." Gaz grumbled, keeping her eyes fixed on her gameslave. "You'd both better find a way back to our own universe. If I miss Bloaty's new Meaty-Cheeser Pizza, I'll send you both to a hellish nightmare realm from which there is no return."

Dib shuddered, backing away. Zim took a defensive stance, wondering how such evil could be packaged in a hyuman, and how it might be harnessed.

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Their situation was, at the least, bizarre. It had been another typical situation where Dib had broken into Zim's base, attempting to plant a spy-cam. In the ensuing struggle, both had tumbled into Zim's latest, and untested, invention. It was a portal to other universes, one which Zim had hoped to recruit copies of himself through. On the other side, they were met by Gaz, who, never pausing, claimed she had used the staff entrance to follow them.

"This Staff Entrance has to be its own magical portal," Dib had grumbled, having heard this excuse three times.

Not two seconds later, they were confronted by Gaz. Again. Dib looked back and forth between the two copies of Gaz, and groaned. "Zim... you didn't happen to make an interdimensional portal, did you?"

"Of course not! Eh... YOU'RE MAKING IT UP!"

"There's my answer. You _idiot_. Do you have any idea what sort of horrible nightmare situations we're going to see?"

Zim scoffed, waving a claw. "Please. How bad can it be? AUGH!!!" His antennae jolted as the second Gaz wrapped her arms around him from behind and blew slowly past the base of his antennae. The first Gaz's eye twitched. Dib gaped. Zim struggled out of the second Gaz's grasp, shouting, "YOU HAVE BRAINWORMS!"

The second Gaz looked hurt. "But... Zim... we're married."

Zim's eyes bugged out. "THERE IS NO MARRIED WITH IRKENS!!!"

She looked confused. "What are you talking about? I'm pregnant with your--"

"DON'T SAY IT!" He shrieked. "IT'S NOT POSSIBLE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!"

The alien backstepped, he had to get away. Dib glanced around frantically, and caught sight of a glimmering slit on the other side of the street.

"There!" He shouted, "It's a portal, run for it!" He and Zim dashed for the opening, leaping through within seconds of each other. Gaz slowly advanced on the copy of herself, and landed a solid punch to her jaw, sending her flying. Lowering her eyes back to her gameslave, she trudged through the portal.

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"Let's see, how many now?" Dib muttered. "The first one was Gaz-loves-Zim. Then there was Gaz-loves-Tak, Gaz-loves-me, I-love-Zim, I-dissect-Zim, Zim-conquers-Earth, Zim-turns-me-into-an-Irken, Zim-gets-turned-into-a-human, Zim-and-I-are-friends--"

"As if THAT would ever happen." Zim spat.

"--Zim-loves-Tak, I-love-Tak... we just came from that one." He scratched his head, sighing. "How many more before we get back? For that matter, where are we now?"

"We're in a bad, bad place." Gaz muttered. Surpised, Dib realized she was trembling slightly. On the other hand, he didn't feel that well either.

Their surroundings appeared to have come from a child's coloring book. The flowers smiled at them, the sun smiled at them, the trees were singing happy songs. It was enough cheerfulness to have sickened even the happiest of souls. Zim had turned a few shades greener, and had a nauseated expression.

Suddenly, a loud, raucous voice burst through the singing with its own song. Zim's jaw dropped. There was no mistaking his own voice.

"Oh, it's a BEEEYUUUTIFUL day in the Earthling-hood, a BEEEEEYUUUTIFUL day for a friendly friend, would you be my, would you be my, new friend?" Skipping up the street came the mirror image of Zim, minus his disguise. A huge smile lit his face and he turned several cartwheels before coming to a stop nearby.

Dib threw back his head and howled with laughter. Zim snarled, "Shut your noise-tube, filthy hyuman stink, that isn't Zim. That is... a fake. A strange... alternate... bizarre Zim." He scowled at the lack of obedience on Dib's part as the boy fell to the ground, roaring.

All too soon, Dib had his own problems. He sat up, pointing in disbelief. His mirror image came skipping up, hand in hand with the mirror image of Gaz, and both were singing the same stupid song. All three met in the middle of the street, and began chattering excitedly.

Mirror Gaz bubbled, "OMGosh, lyk, did u hear teh news?"

"News?" the Mirror Zim exclaimed. "Wat news iz this, teh mitee Zim must no!"

Mirror Dib jumped up and down, then shoved his stomach out. "I'm PREGGY!!!!!11111ONEONE!!!!"

This time, it was Dib's turn to scream denials, while Zim cackled evilly. Both were silenced by Mirror Zim's next statement.

"OH Taht is sooooooooo amaz1ng!!! waz it bcuz of my xpriment?"

"Yaaaa!" Dib sparkled. "I'mma have ur BABEEE!!!!!"

Zim curled up on the ground, hands clutching his antennae, his mouth open in one, loud, protracted scream. Dib had snapped. He was running from house to house, looking for something sharp to poke his brain with, but every time he picked up scissors or a knife, the implement would smile up at him and start singing the song that never ends. He tried hurling his head against the wall, but all the walls absorbed him in a great big hug or kiss, then bounced him back. He wailed in frustration, helpless to do anything but watch as the Mirror Gaz made _her_ announcement.

"& ges wat guyz? Tak & me did teh xpriment 2."

"AND????" Both mirrors asked.

"AND I'M PREGGY 2!!!!111"

"NO WAI! FTW!" They shouted.

"Yes wai! this is t0ta1 WIN!!!" She giggled.

Gaz couldn't take it any longer. She closed her Gameslave in the middle of a boss battle and walked over to Dib. Grabbing his scythe, she dragged him over to Zim. She grabbed his antennae with the other hand, and proceeded to drag them both to the nearest glimmer of light.

"Whatever universe the next one is," she muttered, trying not to vomit, "It's got to be better than this one."

All three vanished through the slit, continued cries of, "NO WAI!" and "YES WAI!" echoing after them.

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**Note:** Okay, first of all, this is poking fun at ANY situation that is not canon. And yes, I take part in ZADF, which is not canon, but you'll notice it's on the list. Second, yes, I'm a little harder on ZADR and M-Preg, but you'll note, all I did was place the canon characters in with the non-canon characters and let them react. And third, yes, I am making fun of chatspeak. There is no excuse for constant use of chatspeak. Occasional? Yes. As its own language? Heck no.


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